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Aug. 7th, 2010

Scrubs -- take your blah blah...

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Reply to this post with the word ICONS! and I will pick six of your icons.
- Make a post (including this info) and talk about the icons I chose
- Other people can then comment to you and make their own posts
- This will create a never-ending cycle of icon glee.

Because I'm apparently still not tired.Collapse )
Light in the Piazza -- Clara

Remember darling, don't smoke in bed.

I need to get my life back on track. And start doing things. And feeling worthwhile. Not that I've been doing a great job of that all summer, but ever since I got home from Seattle I've mostly been lazy and nocturnal. I spend a lot of time flailing around feeling terribly sad about not being with the boy anymore...which, agh. I feel embarrassed to feel like that. (And to talk about it. Because if things go south, I'll look back and cringe at how I let a relationship dominate my life...again. [Oh my God, the beast has become self-aware!])

So tomorrow. If I want to not totally hate myself at the end of the day, I'll wake up before 10 (wow, dream big!) and I'll clean my room. I'll spend at least an hour on Rosetta Stone. I'll get through 50 pages of "Infinite Jest." I'll cook or bake something. Ok? Ok.

My cat reportedly spent the entire week I was gone convinced I was in the basement. We don't let the cats down there, and I guess the idea that I was simply gone confused him so much that he decided I must just be downstairs. So every time someone opened the door to go downstairs, he pushed past them and ran frantic laps around the room for a while trying to find me. Yes, he is alarmingly stupid, but very sweet. And holy crap, you have never seen a cat so happy to see someone as when I came home. He may actually be a dog.

I've just been listening to Nina Simone. Wow. Heart-wrenching. Very good music for lying about feeling stricken and dramatic and like your heart's been torn out...which, yeah, is kind of how I've been feeling, sometimes.

TMI o'clock. Again!Collapse )

Jul. 15th, 2010

Eleven/Rory -- poke

Clean ALL the things?

Like many people I know, I've recently found myself addicted to the blog "Hyperbole and a Half." I was up til 4 a.m reading through most of the archives, and I may have cracked a rib trying to keep from laughing loud enough to wake up the house.

This entry is especially relevant to my life: "This Is Why I'll Never Be An Adult." All those tiny responsibilities ("Email! Go to the motherf*cking BANK like an ADULT. GROCERY SHOPPING! CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!") that somehow add up and become absurdly daunting and you end up crushed by guilt and fear and never do any of them? Story of my life. I shudder to think what will happen when I have to do even more real-person things, like paying bills. As it is, I realize that I have to fill out financial aid forms, make a doctor's appointment, and call my boss at the candy store, and find myself thinking "What am I? Some sort of wizard?"

It's good to know I'm not alone in this.

So Amazon sells porn now. And by porn, I mean the DVD of David Tennant's performance in "Hamlet." Did I buy it? Hell yeah I did. Should I have bought it? ...Probably not?

Speaking of all-consuming fangirliness, I just joined doctoreleven...aka the "Mattcave." God help me, I don't know when I started having a crush on Matt Smith, but it's happened and it's too late for me to do anything about it now.

Also, Steven Moffat has a Twitter now.

I found myself very, very sad this evening. In that sort of despairing, "what am I doing with my life, why am I a failure, why am I not ever happy anymore, am I going to be sad forever, oh help me" sort of way. Then I ate some food. And I felt better. This is also the story of my life. Usually when I'm sad or angry, it's just because I need to eat. Unfortunately, I never seem to learn this, no matter how many times it happens. I'll be furious or crushingly depressed, and sometimes a small part of me will reason "You need to eat something. Nothing's actually wrong, you're just hungry." "NO!" I respond. "I am sad and angry because someone said something mean/I couldn't get my iPod to work/THIS OTHER CATASTROPHIC THING HAPPENED. It's not about FOOD, ok? Shut up!"

And then it's totally about food.

Jul. 7th, 2010

Amy/Rory -- true love

Writer's Block: More than words

Which song lyrics send shivers down your spine and really hit you emotionally?

"Samson" by Regina Spektor hits me like a punch in the gut pretty consistently:

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
He told me that I'd done all right
And kissed me until the morning light, the morning light
And he kissed me until the morning light.

...I don't really even know why.

More recently (like in the past three days), though, is "Gotta Have You" by the Weepies:

No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No no no no no, nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you

So much love.

Jul. 6th, 2010



It's me, folks. Elfmanfan. Finally renamed myself like I've wanted to for a million years.

Some bitch had already taken "femaelstrom." What the crap.

Jun. 5th, 2010

Eleven -- madman with a box

What's that emotion that normal people feel sometimes?

Ah, yes. Loneliness.

Before this year, I had never considered myself a social person. I believed I worked better and functioned better when I was alone with my thoughts. That's why I requested a single on the quiet floor my freshman year.

This theory turned out not to be true. At all. And now I've learned that I am several orders of magnitude happier when I'm surrounded by people. I still have a threshold at which I start to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed in social situations, but for whatever reason, just knowing that there are people within 20 feet of me no matter where I go is comforting.

Hana's room on sci-fi hall is referred to as "Zero to fire code in 60 seconds" because we regularly cram way more people than we're allowed to in there. Being home is like the opposite of that. Fire code to zero in less than a day. And today, it suddenly really freaked me out that I had only spoken to one person - my father - all day. I felt weird and off-balance and anxious and, oh yeah, lonely. I started texting people I haven't spoken to in months, wanting some kind of social contact. It was strange.

It sounds like I'm complaining. I'm not. The digital age makes it easy to never really be lonely. I can always be calling/texting/IMing someone if I need to be. And I have three of my best friends within half a mile of my house, and I adore them and see them so often that I can't really feel lonely. It was just a weird moment where my brain started going "WHERE IS PEOPLE?!"

(Ah, yes, the other questionable thing about being left alone with my thoughts; I start self-analyzing to an obnoxious extent. STFU Carolyn, focus on someone else for once.)

I took my laptop up to CamTech for healing. The guy said I'm looking at about a week for the repairs, and I'll probably be paying about $165. OH GOD I do not have that money right now. Maybe my dad will offer to pay again? :/

Very peculiar dreams last night (or this morning, really). I actually had a dream within a dream about getting married. "Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement...that dweam wiffin a dweam." At some point, I looked at the calendar and saw that the date of my wedding was the next day (I think it was June 26...I have been watching way too much Doctor Who). I panicked. How had my wedding snuck up on me so quickly? I didn't have a dress or anything! I ran around, trying to prepare, until someone reminded me that I had arranged to get married on June 26, 2011. I had a year to get ready. My dream self is apparently barely intelligent enough to function.

Sometimes, caffeine makes me really anxious. This is one of those times. Dislike.

Jun. 3rd, 2010

Cabaret -- life is a cabaret

Recipe For A Black Hole: a mix in two parts

It seemed very important to me that I make some sort of mix to sum up my semester, which has probably been the craziest time I've ever had in my life and has probably changed me more than any other experience I've had. But once I collected all the songs I wanted, I had far too much for one mix.

So I split it up into two parts. One is more narrative; the songs are applicable to situations I was in at certain times. The songs on the second part - the B-sides, if you will - are songs that, lyrically, had nothing to do with my life, but that I listened to a lot or that really affected me for whatever reason.

I don't know. At least to some extent, most of my mixes are made for other people. These are more for myself. But I wanted to post them, and I thought maybe some of you would get a kick out of them.

Side A tracklist and (because I can't be taciturn about anything) lyrics/explanations.Collapse )

Wow, I'm not sure how 4 of those songs ended up being from musicals. Oh well.

Download link: http://www.sendspace.com/file/uwebji

Side B tracklist and lyrics.Collapse )

Download link: http://www.sendspace.com/file/ogqfxk

Apr. 1st, 2010

Light in the Piazza -- Clara

Oh hey look, it's dumb fandom crap

This is apparently what happens when I'm home and bored for a week.

(Also I am like the most boring shipper ever; I almost never ship outside of canon.)

- Choose a random quote from each one of your favorite ships.
- Your friends now must guess the ship that each quote refers to. NO GOOGLING. Cheat if it's REALLY that important to you.
- Edit to add the answer when someone gets it right.
- Tag 5 people. Yeah, like that's gonna happen. Do it if you'd like.

1. "Look at you, beaming away like you're Father Christmas!"
"Who says I'm not, red-bicycle-when-you-were-twelve?"
Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler (Doctor Who), guessed by seussian.

2. "Too much foofaraw. If I'm gonna wear a dress, I want something with some slink."
"You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?"
Zoe/Wash (Firefly), guessed by breakableheart and rhymed and indigopanther.

3. "You’re the only one for me."
"I know you feel that now, but there are things you want."
"So? Everyone wants stuff, we wake up every day with list of wishes a mile long and maybe we spend our lives trying to make those wishes come true, but just because we want them doesn’t mean we need them to be happy."
Chuck/Ned (Pushing Daisies), guessed by shinga.

4. "I'm in orbit around a supernova...I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye." Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler (Doctor Who), guessed by bergeronprocess and seussian.

5. "So you'll let the pterodactyl in and not me?!"
"I need a guard dog."
"I could be that!"
Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones (Torchwood), guessed by bergeronprocess and seussian.

6. "So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under 'Scorpio,' she had written, 'You will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away.' I gave her coffee." Luke/Lorelai (Gilmore Girls), guessed by wrestlingdog, charliesmum, and Jessie.

7. "It's a little bit funny."
"This feeling inside. I'm not one of those who can easily hide. Is this ok? Is this what you want?"
"Ah, poetry. Yes, this is what I want, naughty words!"
Christian/Satine (Moulin Rouge), guessed by johnnygoodtimes.

8. "You don't even know me."
"I have the rest of my life to find out."
Ed/Sandra (Big Fish), guessed by rhymed.

9. "It's my favorite time of day, driving you."
"It's the saddest part of my day, leaving you."
Jamie/Aurelia (Love Actually), guessed by indigopanther.

10. "I can't. I'm... not dating right now."
"What about tomorrow night? Will you be dating then?"
Mary/Patrick (Saved!), guessed by shinga and 9squirrels.

11. "But I don't want you to die."
"That's the most beautiful thing you could have ever given me."
Evey/V (V for Vendetta), guessed by rhymed.

12. "I think I'm in love with you."
"You mean as friends?"
"No, I mean for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know?"
"I try really hard, actually."
Juno MacGuff/Paulie Bleeker (Juno), guessed by seussian.

13. "I've been alone ever since. But not anymore. Don't you see? All we've got is each other!"
"Are you asking me out on a date?"
Tenth Doctor/Master (Doctor Who), guessed by bergeronprocess.

14. "If we were to rank crushable teachers in this school, you'd be number one with a bullet." Will Schuester/Emma Pillsbury (Glee), guessed by seussian.

Mar. 2nd, 2010

Cabaret -- life is a cabaret

You make my dreams come true

HEY SO does anyone remember that 30-day meme that I started, like, a month and a half ago? No? That's ok. I do. Here's day 27.

Previous days.Collapse )
Day 27 ? This month, in great detail

The first week of the month was taken up with packing, working, trying to see people I wouldn't see again for months, etc. I was stressed and unhappy -- I don't multitask well, and I was worried about coming back to Oberlin.

But we drove out to Ohio, and on Saturday I moved in. And within five minutes of entering my building, I'd been welcomed with open arms and invited out to brunch by a bunch of people I'd like, never even met before. My month then proceeded to be AWESOME. Almost without exception. I don't think I have been bored once. There's always something I can be doing. Or, uh, you know, something I should be doing. Like...homework.

I don't want to do too much reiteration of things I've already mentioned in previous entries. Oh, one of the highlights of the month was definitely Johnny Blazes' Wo(n)man Show. Johnny Blazes is the founder of OCircus, and ze came back to do a sort of one-person cabaret. Ze did circus acts, opera singing, dance routines, and little autobiographical snippets. It was, by turns, adorable, hilarious, and unbelievably sexy.

It ended with hir saying something along the lines of "People ask me, 'Are you a boy or a girl?' And someday, I just want to answer...'No.'" And I was like " &hearts &hearts &hearts !!!"

Recent things: "The Dead Hear Footsteps." I'd signed up to do part of next week's episode, but I hadn't started thinking about that, really. Then, on Saturday, we all got an email saying "Listen, no one volunteered to write part 1 of tomorrow's episode. Can someone get it to me by this evening at the latest?" I had no plans, so I volunteered. It was...scary. It was a lot of pressure for something I'd never done before, not even a little. It took me a lot longer than I anticipated, and I got really super stressed about it. But I eventually submitted it. I couldn't be in it or listen to it on Sunday because I had Semi-Autos, but afterwards, everyone was like "AHHH YOUR PART WAS SO GOOD, THANK YOU." And I was all "O rly? ;_;" and they were like "YA RLY." So...I am really super proud and happy about that. The only criticism I got was that I wrote Hardin as being too smart XD

And tonight, "Evenings at the Wormhole" premiered! It's a weekly semi-improv serial. We're all different historical or literary characters, who meet in a bar somewhere outside the bounds of time and space. There's Catherine the Great, Jack the Ripper, Shakespeare, Shakespeare's muse, Vlad Tepes, Joan of Arc, and I'm Oedipus. It was fabulous. It went over really well. And I had a beard, and the general consensus was that I looked really good with facial hair o_o I was told by turns that I looked like Gerard Butler, David Tennant, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Beck. lolwut.

Baaaaah so happy. There's been some personal drama stuff, I guess. My emotions are confusing and don't make any sense. I feel these things, and I know they're utterly illogical, but I...can't make them go away. But it's not overwhelming, and it's all stuff that I brought on myself anyway.

Overall I am ecstatic! But it's 2 a.m and I'm obviously not getting any work done, so it's bedtime. Sorry this was a terribly-written entry, brain function = no.

The 3 remaining days.Collapse )

Feb. 27th, 2010

Nine -- Jaysus H Horseradish

Uhhh, WTF uterus??

THIS IS SO WEIRD. Cut for graphic-ish period talk.Collapse )

lololol GROSS.

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